Armchair Detectives Gifts

Looks like he taunted the wrong guy.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

A boy acting suspiciously

Turkish Democracy

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Technological Dependence.

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Damn, I forgot to pack a jumper."

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!

Red State Football

"No, we’re not lost, Claire. And yes, I have seen ‘Deliverance’!"

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

Who's Dead

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'