Armchair Detective T-Shirts

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"We have ways of making you talk."

"Just tell us what we want to know, and you can sit in the comfortable chair."

The Warren Commission investigates the Grassy Knoll Theory.

"Just a simple outline next time Crabtree, there's a good lad."

'Motive? We're guessing jealousy.'

'Did they ever catch the guy who shot Archduke Ferdinand?'

Snowden

'Where were you the opening night of murder mystery dinner theater?'

"Who is this masked man who has shot Boris Nemtsov?"

'Don't be absurd, Holmes. There is no way Moriarty could get at our Swiss account!'

Mystery section...

"Apparently, due to budget cuts, the local police force can't afford electronic tagging technology."

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

"Just move along sir; nothing to see here."

Caught with a smoking gun.

"Not guilty, your honour... and you?"

'Don't look so blasted innocent!'

'If you've been a secret agent all these years, how come they never pay you?'

'Enemies? No, he was the perfect gent.'

'Well, the CIA missed another one -- rioting broke out in Antarctica today....'

'Your honor, no weapons or violence were involved, since my client's breaking and entering were done online.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Aren't we lucky to be living in a nation of laws!'

'And just what were you planning on doing with this magnifying glass, Billy?!?'

'He was never the sharpest knife in the drawer - if you'll excuse the expression.'

'Unfortunately, The Hounds of the Baskerville were my role models.'

'Your solicitor is here, Murphy, but the bad news is he will still be here when you get out.'

Relaxation with Dick Wolf

"Why do mass shootings keep happening in the United States and nowhere else?"

"I hear he fell and landed on some novichok."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"This is really boring—why can't we stake out from home?"

A boy acting suspiciously

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'