Ark Narrative Humorist Gifts

'TERMITES!'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"The Eggsorcist"

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Gustav Holst

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

Medusa's baby picture

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

Chef makes a cook book.

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

La Tour 2007.

'Abstract painting.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

'One could make the ultimate industrial strength glue by cracking the formula of the goo on night club stages.'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Artist, sitting in front of a sign identifying a bridge as a draw bridge, draws the bridge.