Arcane Alchemist Gifts

Alchemist - name and ate unknown: 'At the Transylvania Conference, everyone was claiming to have the philosopher's stone. As chair of the select committee on turning lead into gold, I expect to have conclusive report within a decade or two.'

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

Internet Cafe.

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Skier flying past mountains

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'This potion will get you promoted but I can't guarantee a bonus.'

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

Asteroid Bennu

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

Alcohol Ingredients

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."

Everything he touches turns to bronze. King Midas' third cousin.

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

"One can only hope this is the raw stuff of art."

Magus

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

Medieval Peer Review: "Whose experiments are the fairest of all?"