Arachnid Adversaries T-Shirts

"No, it's not a spider, Mr. Macho, it's a bit of lint from your sock!"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

A violin spider and a saxaphone spider

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

I was coughing, Frank - I didn't need the Heimlich.

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Cover story: Plant World.

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Spider Press-Ups

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

Black Widow Diet

"Arachnophunnies"

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

'Ed,did you remember to bring the insect repellent?'

"It's just happened again! I don't get it! Master is such a nice guy: why would the neighbours always decline his invitations?"

"I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband."

'What luck!'

'Visit my website.'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

Arachnid Research Lab. I don't need to actually be here all the time, I use a web cam!

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

Spider Preschool.

Rest distracted by moles.

Dizzy Spider

The newly webs are happy now, but how long will the honeymoon last for both of them?

"S**t! That might be my husband on the wall!"

"Dinnertime already?"

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"I'm a little concerned about Frank."

'This spider's persistence is remarkable - that's web 9.0.'