Aquarium Keeper Pillows

'Why is it that every time we have an argument, I'm the one who has to sleep in the toilet.'

"Wow, look at him go! He's done 900 press-ups easy!"

School reunion

"My pronouns are fee/she."

A Boy Makes A Mistake.

'I've had a rough day. I wish I could go out for a drink!'

'....Just because you heard something outside, it doesn't mean you go out and check on it!'

'It's so sad. There's not a dry eye in the place.'

'I'm warning you guys -- I've got mononucleosis!'

'I hate to tell you, this but I think we're lost!'

Tricks with a goldfish

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"We’re a lending aquarium."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Pets.

Fish with a human in a bowl.

A Preschool of Fish

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"I don't do windows."

"I think it loves us."

"I'd love to help out but I'm barely keeping my head below water now."

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

"Just water for me, please."

"Lap fish..."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'I wish I was creative'

"Please, Al. You know the backstroke scares the children."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I wish someone would come and turn the vibrating buzzer off on that mobile phone!"