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The Secret Thoughts of Trees

'An apple a day may keep the doctor away but I prefer to rely on few antipersonnel mines in the garden to do the job.'

'I see we've got a devout mac user at no. 23.'

Trial by Media

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Thank you, Essential Workers

Tree Passion

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

Detention Center

The problem is, too many people aren't the least bit particular about their arrows.

Human Rights for All

The earlier, less publicized discovery of gravity by Corblatt.

"They're class action figures."

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

The discovery of gravity is put on hold after a chance encounter by William Tell and Isaac Newton.

' Oh no! I'm being repossessed! '

Garden of Eden and scrumping

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

The scales between gluttony and hunger

"I'd like to report a case of historical sexual abuse in the sixties. I'd like to - but I can't!"

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

Good News

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

'How the serpent tempted Eve.'

"Gerald Beeman? Eighteen years ago you were driving through Connecticut and threw an apple out the window. That apple landed in a field alongside I-95 and . . . well . . . I think I'm your son."

Newton's more mundane brother - "That reminds me I must get some apples."

Air Pods.

An apple a day.

Violence against children.