App-loving Comedian Pillows

"Since laughter is the best medicine, I'm downloading the Laugh-Track App."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

I've always been slower than computers...

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"That guys is stealing my data!"

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'Universal remote, my eye!'

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

"Dude. You need to get cable."

Knights of the iPhone

"Be careful of what you say. The CEO is listening in."