Apology Critic Pillows

"I'm sorry, but someone has to put a stop to this endless cycle of apologizing."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Sorry

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Hyacinths

"OK, what have you done?"

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

Very sorry

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

Man looks for wife help from machine.

Remorse code

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

'I'm not sure what you did wrong but it must have been a doozy!'

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

'Bob forgot your birthday. He went fishing instead. So he sent you this Excuse-O-Gram. In hopes he won't end up dead.'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.