Apocalypse Planner T-Shirts

'The end is near.'

"Stocks are up, led by sales of hazmat suits, emegency survival kits, electric generators, gas masks..."

It's 11 p.m. do you know if your portfolio allocation will carry you through armageddon?

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

'You're my broker, what now? I was prepared for every financial scenario except Armageddon.'

'This place only has an electric can opener?'

'Hazmat suits are the new normal.'

"My cousin is lucky, he lives on the 14th floor. I'm sure he has a great view of the end of the world."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

'Oh. C'mon, Eddie.. You didn't really believe all that rapt-cha stuff, did you?'

2012 arrives too soon.

'Men preparing for the end of the world.'

"Chief, I'd like a four-year sabbatical to prepare for the millennium."

'My backup special...'

"There are body parts falling down on us everywhere! It's the apocalypse!"

'....I read somewhere that consuming raw flesh could be bad for your health. And given our current state of decomposition, this may not be such a good idea.'

"This primitive communication device is all that's left of what was once a thriving civilization."

"That one just paid off college! Let's eat his brains!"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

The End is Nigh

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Prepper Dog

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

Tsunami Evac Route

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Pestilence, (Drugs) War, Famine.

Zombie Fish