Anxious Conversationalist Pillows

Choose your social anxiety coping mechanism!

What price beauty?

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Prisoner speech

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I suffer. What do you do?'

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

Send. End.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

'OK! I'LL talk!'

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"And how long have you been agoraphobic?"

'You could say I'm a pessimist. The glass isn't just half-empty, it's not even what I wanted to drink in the first place.'

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn’t called me back. What could possibly be the reason? She no longer likes me; She's gotten into a horrible accident; She's having an affair with Justin Timberlake? She's moving to Europe without telling me?! HOJ. She hasn't gotten the message yet? She's moving to Europe with Justin Timberlake.

"I'm beginning to think this niche networking isn't getting us anywhere."

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'

'Do you have any enemies?' - 'No, only a lot of friends who hate me.'