Anti-social Behavior Pillows

"What I love about our friendship is the way we never see or speak to each other."

Hoodie Hang-out

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

When protons collide...

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Cohesion Of Cohort/Shared Behaviors

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'You're at that awkward age where the others have figured out that you're a drone and you don't do anything.'

"It seems that I cannot look them in the eye without prompting confrontation..." "What are you lookin' at?"

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"Gah! Too many people!"

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

"Hey man, there are certain things called unwritten laws."

"There are easier ways to get time to yourself, Ed."

"The floor is any human contact."

"I love our lunches out there, but I always get the feeling that we're being watched."

"The Johnsons tend to keep themselves to themselves..."

"Gesundheit."

'Just so you know: If this elevator breaks down, I have no problems cannibalizing your body for my survival.'

"Let's just invade the picnic, stay for five minutes, and leave."

'Make yourselves at home. I'm right here, in the panic room.'

"Everyday, we give her 10 karma points for not using her bag to hog the seat beside her and everyday we take 10 away because she feels so smug about it."

Stay back 500 feet

"Ah-Choo."

'I know living on an abandoned nuclear test site has its advantages - no bugs, no snakes, no univited guests but did it ever occur to you that there's nothing else here either?'

'Hold your hand in front of your mouth when you yawn.' - 'What, and take a chance of getting bitten.'

Frankly, I don't mind my husband spending time in bars: As long as they're Monkey-Bars of course...

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."

"Social networking lets me be social without actually having to be around other people."