Anti-social Behavior Pillows

"What I love about our friendship is the way we never see or speak to each other."

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

Hoodie Hang-out

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Cohesion Of Cohort/Shared Behaviors

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'You're at that awkward age where the others have figured out that you're a drone and you don't do anything.'

"It seems that I cannot look them in the eye without prompting confrontation..." "What are you lookin' at?"

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"Gah! Too many people!"

"There are easier ways to get time to yourself, Ed."

"The floor is any human contact."

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

"Hey man, there are certain things called unwritten laws."

"I love our lunches out there, but I always get the feeling that we're being watched."

"Let's just invade the picnic, stay for five minutes, and leave."

"Everyday, we give her 10 karma points for not using her bag to hog the seat beside her and everyday we take 10 away because she feels so smug about it."

'Just so you know: If this elevator breaks down, I have no problems cannibalizing your body for my survival.'

'Make yourselves at home. I'm right here, in the panic room.'

Stay back 500 feet

"Ah-Choo."

"Donald hates visitors."

'I know living on an abandoned nuclear test site has its advantages - no bugs, no snakes, no univited guests but did it ever occur to you that there's nothing else here either?'

'Hold your hand in front of your mouth when you yawn.' - 'What, and take a chance of getting bitten.'

"Social networking lets me be social without actually having to be around other people."

Frankly, I don't mind my husband spending time in bars: As long as they're Monkey-Bars of course...

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."