Animal Personality Analysts Pillows

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"Stupid obedience school. As if we don't want to learn physics or computer science or something."

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"Should I tell her I'm a PTSD support dog specializing in disease and illegal drug scent detection?" "Should I tell him his ear's inside out?"

"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

'That's what I wanted to ask you about.'

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

"We laugh, but it's a mirthless laugh."

"You say: It's nothing more than jealousy inspired backstabbing. I say: It's the fourth report of butt-sniffing I've had this week."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"I think I'm a big dog."

'I'm afraid to ask.'

'And how long do you think you may have had OCD?'

"Lassie! Get help!!"

'Switch off that mobile phone, we can't afford to have you distracted: You're on watch duty!'