Animal Identity Theorist T-Shirts

'You call yourself a zebra? Where'd you get those stripes, in a zoo?'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Why do they do that?"

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Bears catching fish

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

City Zoo. They call us "anteaters" --- talk about stereotyping!

'Take me to your computer.'

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"Why ‘Black Death’? Why not ‘Furry Death’?"

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"I am very comfortable with my bovinity."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

William Shakespeare Civil Court Judge. Well, you can legally change your name, but it won't make any real difference, Rose.

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

'Of course we're not going to experiment on you. We needed another hand for our bridge game.'

Zoo Psychological Center. We had a good group session today. The cougar talked about her trouble having a romantic relationship with someone her own age. The wolf opened up about wearing sheep's clothing. And we all assured the newt that an identity crisis is common among amphibians. The gorilla is having a tough day so he's staying for an individual session. There's nothing wrong with you ... a lot of people tend to ignore 800-pound gorillas.

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Alien Shopping List: Milk, Bread, Bin Bags, Earthling.

Call it that if it makes you feel better, Bobo … but it's still a zoo, not a gated community.

I knew we didn't have enough blocks for this thing.'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

I'm not just being paranoid, Margret. His breath smells like dolphin and I even found a flipper in his coat pocket yesterday. I really think Earl's hitting the bottlenose again.