Animal Hierarchy Humor Gifts

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Do me next."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

Snowmobull

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Of Mice and Men.

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"Honk if you love me!"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Zoo Inc. Management Structure

Cat plays an arcade game that involves shooting at gun into a mouse hole.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"I hate it..."