Ancient Warfare Geek Pillows

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

Sphinx cat and mummy mouse

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

Stonehenge Explained

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

'Barbarians at the gate? That's fine, I fully support social mobility.'

They came...they saw...they conga'd.

Trojan hitchhiker tries to hitch a lift from the'wooden horse'.

"Don't worry - if we double the minimum wage it will still be nothing."

D-Day landings of walking fish.

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'I'm inventing the wheel, and I'd like you to be my SPOKESMAN.'

"What's a condom for?"

'Somebody got some sun.'

'Tennyson answers his country's call.'

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

'It's a special delivery from 'Troys are us'.'

Britain in 410AD

George Smith Patton

"It's more efficient than hurling the things."

A grecian jug depicting a barber cutting the plum of a soldier's helmet

'You know, I'm about to stop caring whether they're here legally or not!'

'How's your novel coming along?'

Little known fact: Man progressed from the stone age to the bronze age after Thag read an issue of the Journal of Metals.

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

"We will go with the timber frame ones."

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

'They've left a peace offering, the cowards.'

"Shoo!"

"The internet is down again."