Ancient Warfare Fan Pillows

"You have GOT to see this video!"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

The Da Vinci Cod

You're my Venus

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"Do you think the world really is going to hell, or are we just getting old?"

Pyramids exploding.

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

'Barbarians at the gate? That's fine, I fully support social mobility.'

Ancient Greek setting. Man at desk writing on scroll says: 'Yes, they're draconian measures ??" but then, I am Draco.'

Rembrandt's Selfies

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

"I'm not loitering officer, I 'm waiting for the next renaissance!"

'It seems a lot of trouble to go through just to sharpen a razor blade.'

"Another selfie, Rembrandt?"

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

'All this 'plane geometry' stuff is great, Euclid, but what if the Earth turns out to be round?'

"No, no, no! Thirty days hath September!"

The real reason for the pyramids.

Ancient Egyptian eye tests.

'It's amazing - the arrows seem to follow you around the cave'

The pyramids were built using advanced alien knowledge.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Hill Figure

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

'Jack Tar' Symbolises Nelson's Victory in the Battle of the Nile

"It's funny. . . I know it's the renaissance, but I keep writing dark ages on my checks!"

"Go with Hannibal if you must."

Monster chariot races

The Day They Invented Papyrus

20 Years Later The First Pyramid Would Be Built, And Cheerleading Finales Would Never Be The Same.

"The battle for the living room war about to heat up."

'Can I hop in, since I was on your team?'