Ancient Text Analyst Pillows

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

IMHOtep

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

Academic Boogie Down - 'Once you've taught Sanskrit, there is no going back to Caligula.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Books of Tablets

"What part of oil lamp next to double squiggle over ox don't you understand?"

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"You're positive we don't need these notarized?"

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

'We will have ever lasting peace in Jerusalem when we have got rid of this lot!'

Bertram de Born (The Divine Comedy).

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'And don´t return until you find the shameless who took the tablet with the seventh commandment'

"If I behaved like your god, I'd be arrested."

How's my scribing?

Dead Sea Trolls

"This was a class in hieroglyphics as a second language."

Hunt Gather. Ah, here comes Oog with the business plan.

'Gosh, Hasborne! You're quite right! It does say, 'Lesbians are Everywhere!''

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

"I finally figured out who you copy."

"Oh, just hanging out, reading Upanishads."

"They say - thou shalt disregard everything said so far - here are the real 10 commandments..."

"Great 'Ah Ha' moments in History

2020 Timeline