Ancient Cultures Buff Pillows

'I'm spending all of my money and if the world doesn't end in 2012, I'll make it all back and more by suing the Mayas.'

"Whoa! Sacrificing politicians makes the gods a little gassy."

Tourists

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

The Fall of Gnome

"A world without Ovid? I can't even begin to imagine a world without Ovid."

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

"When I said make it RIGHT, I meant correctly."

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

Maybe the gods aren't angry. Maybe the gods are just yanking our chain.

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

The Tutankhamen Expedition 1908 (The Economy Version).

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"All right, let's clam up, everybody. Here comes another expedition."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'This cd is Earth and Wind. There is no fire, yet.'

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'