Ancestry Study Gifts

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."

"Don't look down on me, Buster, my ancestors were dinosaurs...what were yours?"

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

The children at their cousin's grave

"And these are my ancestors. . . Malcom. The mighty, Simon the Strong, Byron the Brave. . . And Fenwick the Flatulent . . . We don't talk about him much!"