Ancestry Artist Gifts

The Genealogist

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Family DNA

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'One of my forebears.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Alderman shocked at a proposal to pull down Temple Bar

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

'Thrilling news yesterday; my nephew's got the Lascaux Caves commission.'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

"Thus, the Yardbirds begat Cream, Spencer Davis Group begat Traffic, Cream and Traffic begat Blind Faith, and Blind Faith begat Derek and the Dominos and Ginger Baker's Air Force..."

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

Who's your daddy?, INC. It

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."