Amicability Appreciator T-Shirts

'We weren't amicable, but our attorneys certainly were.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Mr Metrosexual.

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Reign Man

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

The Return of Tannhauser to Venusberg

A visit to a Victorian Painter.

"We're out of empanadas!"

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"Put another minnow on my line!"

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Well, as usual, I'm toasty. . ."

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"I'll be out in the great world, wearing may hats."

Modern Furniture/Sculptures Object to Old Fashioned Chair.

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

On some of the paintings my right brain says they're good art, but my left brain says they're bad investments. On others, my right brain says they're bad art, but my left brain says they're good investments.

'Plastic Surgery. Closed for alterations.'

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

A Crossbow

"Baldo, no one likes being told what to do...but taking direction is a part of life."

Al, why haven't you ever told me about the birds and the bees? Because I find ornithology and entomology even more embarrassing than sex.

'Having one of those days I see.'

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

'You don't know what a treat it is for me to run into you!'

"Frankly, he's a lousy sober."

"My design aesthetic is ostentatious minimalism."

Feeling guilty about breaking up with Susan after just two dates, Brad made things easier by wearing his Hideous Back Hair Toupee to the beach.'