Ambidextrous Humor Gifts

Over 2500 left handed people die each year using products designed for right handed people.

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"I thought the snow would never start"

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'I don't like the look of yours...'

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Fauna Hybrids

Two friars ringing bells

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

Tombstone that says I Have No Life

Chameleon in a bar.

"It's perfect."

Enter Exit - Circle of Life.

"Hurry up! - You don't have all day. . ."

Sartre at the Movies.

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"I think therefore I am on antidepressants."

Is there life after digestion?

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