Amateur Vintners T-Shirts

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'I made the mistake of buying Greg a do-it-yourself wine making kit and a beer kit. Now we've got a 5-year supply of chianti with a thick, creamy head.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

A very fine vintage

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

Wine: New & Old!!!

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

"My husband makes this wine."

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

'And here's a year's supply of Jim's Pinot Noir. When you taste it, you'll know why it's a year's supply.'

"Why yes, I am a professional grape stomper...why do you ask?"

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

Man watching a flower slowly wilt, and just as its about to die he waters it

Home Wine Making Kit.

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'That wasn't the home movie. That was the trailer.'

"What a day! A brilliant sun, an azure sky, the air like vintage wine! By George, I've half a mind to do a bit of profit taking!"

'Oh no, the Gradwells are here with their homemade wine!'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

'A regular chip off the old bottle.'

Spiro and Pusho on a boat ride.

"The technique is good, but somehow I feel that the artist didn't take enough time observing the subject."

'I'm only in the wine business one hour and already a disaster!'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'