Amateur Producer Pillows

'That wasn't the home movie. That was the trailer.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

'Now what?'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"It's not so bad! But I DO have to sleep on my side. . .2

Man sowing plant seed Cat sowing bird seed.

'This cork idea of yours is great! How do you get it out?'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

The first transatlantic communication.

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

"No, first you have to evolve into a man, then you can have a man-cave."

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

Drunk in bar stool.

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

'Seriously, your ululation is good enough for American Idol.'

'He always takes Charades very seriously.'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

Spring Cleaning

Home Video

Wife uploading film of snoring husband onto Youtube.

"All this just to take a selfy!"

'Billy, how many times have I told you to get your thumb out of your mouth? Betty, for heaven's sake, brush your hair out of your eyes.' 'An annoying auto-focus camera.'

'As you see, the wine breaks down the veal and the vegetables almost immediately--as for your lens cover, I can't really say.'