Amateur Phone Mechanics Pillows

"I've never seen such destruction on a phone. What happened?"

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'The King of what?'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"My mom's restricting my phone. She says I don't have enough Selfie Control."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Oh, it's me... Time out. I've gotta take this.'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Thermidor Dali

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

'I'm on my break, Sam... I'll call you back when I start work.'

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'I'm on the way!'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

'When I said that I'd 'give you a ring', I meant on the phone. . .'

...the onion rings

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

What technique! She'll just keep calling herself until this guy has to leave!

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"He's standing upright and using a mobile phone. I think our evolution has begun."