Amateur Firefighter T-Shirts

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"We should have stopped these green agitators from making predictions long before their predictions came true."

California fires and Coronavirus

"In a late breaking news story, our TV station is on fire."

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

'Do you have to bring your work home with you?'

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

'He always takes Charades very seriously.'

Heroes

'Just this once sir, we need the overtime.'

'I borrowed Timmy's model plane to crop dust the garden.'

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

Grey Squirrels Out Competing Red Squirrel for Food.

Fire Brigade Chiefs Annual Dinner

"My husband said he could fix anything so if you find him, tell him he was wrong!"

"My kind of course."

Dog prank

"I got my wish!"

'Excuse me while I rub the smoke out of my glass eye.'

Bear Traps.

"At this point I think your computer problems needs more than a fan."

Workaholic and alcoholic