Amateur Comedian Pillows

"Underarm! Underarm!"

An excerpt from "Men are from Belgium, and women are from New Brunswick".

"Turns out the sound of the squeaky toy was coming from inside the house."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Granddad with a big barrel of Home Brew - '...He's very good with the grandchildren'

I'm growing egg plants... Why, what's wrong with your chickens?

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

'It's a hand-me-down.'

'It's OK. It's halibut.' 'OK. It's Hal. But what?' 'He's still a fish!'

Turkey diet

'My wife thinks I'm at the men's wear store. I told her I was going to get a belt.'

'I'm told this joint is filled with barflies!'

'...When the ref's not looking, pop him with this pin.'

'Egrets, I've had a few. . .'

"You'll have to ignore Roger... he has worms!"

"You were right about this pub Dave. Great beer but no atmosphere!"

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

Canoeing Incorrectly

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

A dog howls at the moon with a podium and speech.

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

"Father drinks, doesn't he?"

"Morning! Are the fish biting?"

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'How about a drink?'

"I was attracted by the uniform."

"Good morning, world!"

'Oh I enjoy squirrels, too - but only if they're dead.'

'Ever considered he mght not like pubs?'

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Royalties from your funny cat videos mean you'll have to file a tax return.'