Alternative Ingredients Enthusiast Gifts

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

But is it organic?

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

See you at the farmers market!

Eco Princess

At the market

Vegetarian Birds

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'You're still keen on organic gardening then!'

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Who says you're not genetically manipulated?'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"It's a giant banana but is it an organic giant banana?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"Oh, that poor thing."

Sawdust.

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

Let's all go to a farmer's market.

Snow White to witch: 'You're sure it's organic?'

'Ethical farm - none of our produce goes to fast food outlets'.

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."