Alt-medicine Enthusiast Gifts

"How did the acupuncture session go, Sebastian?"

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

Alternative Medicine.

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

"My joints... are almost done"

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"The doctor says your injury is not serious...we're going home."

"If you ask me, your Christmas gift return policy is too liberal."

"I used to think that hypnotherapy was a pseudo-science but Phil has convinced me otherwise."

New Age Anatomy...

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."