Alt-medicine Enthusiast Gifts

"How did the acupuncture session go, Sebastian?"

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

Psychiatry. Ordinary therapeutic techniques have been unsuccessful, but I have a crazy idea that just might work!

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

Alternative Medicine.

Witch Doctor

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

*Not suitable for those with an allergy to consciousness expansion

"My joints... are almost done"

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

Acupuncture - Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Dude, we've struck cannabis oil! We're going to be rich!"

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"The doctor says your injury is not serious...we're going home."

"I used to think that hypnotherapy was a pseudo-science but Phil has convinced me otherwise."

"If you ask me, your Christmas gift return policy is too liberal."

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."