Alphabetti Aficionado T-Shirts

'She's just seeing if the alphabetti spaghetti's ready.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Here's one: 'Youth Frisbee Camp', from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays." "Naw... Go back to that first one, for 'early chewers', wasn't that one a sleep-over camp?"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'He taught me the importance of taking a walk each day.'

"I really look forward to this evening's walk."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

My Literary Influences

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Borgias holding a 'come as you wish to go' party

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

Ironing Punctuation