Alpha Male Debunker Pillows

"Alpha Male."

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Young Montague's full of himself."

Rumours Online

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

"I don't care what you read on your Facebook feed, the Covid vaccine will not turn you into a zombie flesh eaters."

Human males marking territory.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

'Don't believe everything you hear about global cooling, it's just a theory.'

Say What! Mark Meadows

'The poll results are clear Sir: Your days as the Alpha Male are numbered...'

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

"Which variant of the hoax do you think we contracted?"

Alpha Pansy... Grrrrrr

Wright Wing Conspiracy.

'Basically, my study challenges the more the merrier theory.'

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

"Weather rebuttal."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

Medieval Patent Office

" No, I'm not concerned about my weight...why worry about something you can't see?"

"It says here that you believed everything you saw in the press, I'll have someone escort you to the crazy section."

"We sacrifice a few 5G masts to the gods!"

"I've never been one for conspiracy theories."

Jabber Wacky

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

H.O.A.X.: His Only Available eXcuse

Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.