Album Collectors Pillows

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

'Music & Gym'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Gramaphone Man.

At the Goldilocks Music Store albums are labeled: 'Too Many Notes,' 'Too Few Notes,' 'Too loud,' 'Too Soft,' and 'Just Right.'

Islington Angels.

"The Who used to smash up their instruments after their shows — have you ever considered that?"

"What the hell's going on here ... ?"

'This is Ian, my new boyfriend. Did I mention he was a record holder?'

At the CD shop.

"That's two days after you were born."

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"Joel Daniels: Live from behind the CVS"

His master's voice

Baroque Bach Mountain

'Why is so much easy listening so difficult to listen to?'

'Sorry, we don't stock Sheryl Crow.'

"I have a CD available with all proceeds helping to alleviate suffering in the jazz world."

'You have a wonderfully tidy mind, Diane!'

The Very Best of JOHN DOE