Album Aficionados Pillows

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Orchestra.

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"The Monster Mash wasn't just about having fun. We were protesting Vietnam."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Bryan Ferry

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Fossil record player.

Woman crying with happiness.

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

My other cello is a Stradivari

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

Elevator Music

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

David Grohl - Foo Fighters

"Do you mind? I'm in the middle of recording a podcast."

Violin Practise

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.