Airport Screener Pillows

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

UK border controls relaxed.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Fight or Flight

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

The Scanner Of Love.

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

Disinformation booth.

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Airport

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

Shops Shops Shops - 'I've just remembered! We came here to catch a flight!'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

December 17, 1903, The Wright Brothers invent the first hub airport at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

Airport traffic

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Welcome to America'

'I stopped you so I could find out where you got that great outfit.'