Airplane Food Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm not going anywhere special. I just really like airplane food"

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Airplane Mode.

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"I asked my mother to pack my parachute and she packed my lunch instead."

"Fresh pepper?"

"How's my tripping you up?"

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

Asian Adventure Vacations

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

'How's the steak, sir?'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

Flying 'business class'.

Excess Baggage: At times the cheapest ticket deals leave a lot to be desired.