Agony Aunt Gifts

"Any other hobbies besides suffering?"

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"They grow up so fast."

The Zoo.

"We've made great progress!"

Demure lady with gloves

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."