Ageism Antagonist Pillows

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"You're right, they are statins."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Baldness Facts

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

Middle Age Spread.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'Ageism at work'

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"Botox? No, I simply stopped smiling when I turned 30."