Age Transition Navigator T-Shirts

Four Stages of Boyhood

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Your contents have shifted."

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

Menopause and the City

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

You Know You're Old When...

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'As a matter of fact, I can offer you another career option.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'