Age Restriction Humor Aficionado Pillows

'You need a card to prove you're a 'lad' to have that!'

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

Sex shop headache pills...

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

'I don't like to carry ID.'

"It's the Florida kid."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Bottleopener.

Old Men on Rockers.

"Kick me"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

Condoms,

Pornographic telephone directory

"I think men over thirty-six are very distinguished."

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"