Age Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

"Why bother?"

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

'I'd say you're a little late...'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"It's the Florida kid."

Nancy Pelosi Gets a Speakership By Agreeing to Just Four More Years. How Many Years Does She Have Anyway?

Old Men on Rockers.

Yeah, well, when you're old, you'll get whiskers in weird places, too.

'Aaaaaaaaaah forty seven. What a lovely age.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Gosh Grandma, you must be over a million in dog years."

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

Dentures.

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"I think men over thirty-six are very distinguished."

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

Haven't your eyes gotten tired of reading after 150 years? If you're waiting for that to get a rise out of me

"Men Don's age are back in style."