Age Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

"Why bother?"

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

"It's the Florida kid."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Aaaaaaaaaah forty seven. What a lovely age.'

"Gosh Grandma, you must be over a million in dog years."

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Old Men on Rockers.

"I think men over thirty-six are very distinguished."

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"Men Don's age are back in style."

"I've done it, dear. I've finally paid off my student loan!"

'Old age I can face - It's the thought of being forty that really bugs me.'

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"