Age-related Upgrades Gifts

Rose was looking forward to the day when the council would fit her an indoor toilet!

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"I got connected to the internet!"

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

"You bought a 1964 Chevy ragtop Impala?!"

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

I can be upgraded, can you?

'Oh, we haven't used a crystal ball in years.'

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

"I can guarantee it's the latest thing...until the next thing arrives."

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."