Age-related Humor Pillows

Estate Agent 'Last time buyer'

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

May all your birthday wishes come true..

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

"Greatest Band?"

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

'Dang.'

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

High pants/Low pants.

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

'I don't like to carry ID.'

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

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