Age Perception Analyst Pillows

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"She reminds me so much of myself at her age."

Millionaire trapped in the body of a bum. Please help correct the situation. ?

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'The polls say we're managing all of the people all of the time.'

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Perhaps it's time we re-branded.'

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"Here's the problem, I grabbed the wrong map. This isn't the Fountain of Youth. This is the Fountain of Middle Age."

" ... and here's where you took vacation."

Retirement Age

Highway of Life. No, Ernie, we're on cruise control. It just seems like we're going faster the further we go.

"Are you listening to me?"

"You should never ask her age unless it's carbon dating."

"You reach an age where you start to question what you're DOING with your life...."

On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

"Sometimes I feel like Stone Age guy in Bronze Age world."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'