Age-disparity Enthusiast Pillows

"... Yes, the night is still young. Unfortunately, you're not."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

The end of innocence

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"My grandson said I was "woke" but I'm 90% certain I didn't even nod off"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!