Age-defying Humor Fans Pillows

Preservatives.

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

Pregnant vs. Old.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm starting to look old."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Punks with blue/pink hair meet old people with blue/pink rinses.

Old Men on Rockers.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

'To absent teeth.'

'Your diary? How come you didn't just blog it way back then?'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

Tooth Fairy stealing dentures