Age Confrontationalist Gifts

'Even though I'm in my fifties I feel I'm in the prime of life.'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

Bla Bla Bla

'...and in my opinion the whole world's gone barmy.'

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

'Prove it.'

'How are you keeping?'