Afterlife Mugs

"Sorry for the racket... there are billions of dogs up here, and they get a little excited when someone's at the gate."

'Whenever I complained that my feet were killing me, nobody believed me.'

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

'I would have been here sooner if not for a wonderful caring nurse in the hospital.'

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

"Since you have a complete record of my life, could you tell me if I remembered to turn the stove off?"

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"Spent the first five years in Hell. I didn't sell my soul, I leased it."

'Sorry, you've got to go back. I've got you penciled in for eight more months of suffering.'

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

Supply was out of harps.

'See, right here, rule number 6...'you can't take it with you!'

"How did you hear about us?"

"Smoking or non-smoking?"

"And of course it comes with an after lifetime guarantee."

Man Crosses Finish Line At Heaven's Pearly Gates

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Sorry I'm late, but it took them a week to determine that I was legally dead."

'Sorry, you can't take it with you...that includes your iphone.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'It's wonderful that you were able to take it with you, but now what do you plan to do with it?'

'You didn't have to kick the bucket that hard.'

'You've come straight from an atheist birthday party?!!' 'EIGHTIETH! EIGHTIETH!'

'To be honest, I was a little disappointed. It's hard for a place like this to live up to the hype.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Maybe it wasn't such a smart idea for you to have left everything to science."

"It was heaven before this."

Pearly GatesPre-Approved.

'What do you mean 'It could have been worse'?!'

'When you meet him, whatever you do, don't say 'Oh My God'.'

Cremated Angel - "Cremated, eh? Well, just try not to get all over everything."