Afterlife Planner Gifts

"I notice in your will that you've left everything to yourself."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

'I'll take a pyramid, clad in limestone and king size.'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

"Death coach..."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

Gates of heaven

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Great, now we're lost."

Postcards from Heaven...