Afterlife Musings Gifts

'How long have you been dead? Do you have any complaints about your treatment here? Do you have any suggestions?'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Heaven is...

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

"It might be a while, the server just crashed again."

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

Collection of Wine

'Oh dear, you should have left this one til last.'

Paradise: Collection of wine

"It's not my fault I died in the shower!"

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

" ....and your insurance was paid up."

"I guess they really are permanent."

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

(heaven): true, I came into and left the world naked, in-between a great legacy

'Oh, sure-- we're immortal SO FAR.'

"A sizable gratuity always helps."

'...And let's not forget when you were eleven you told your Mom to shut up.'

'Heaven's great. It's just that now there's nothing to look forward to.'

CCTV security on heaven's doors.

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

'An they have the nerve to call this heaven!'

When angels go awry.

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

"Je peux garder mes chaussettes?"

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."